


Letters

by mabomanji



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Boys Kissing, Elevators, Feels, Hugs, Light Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Mission Related, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 02:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3232232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabomanji/pseuds/mabomanji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve goes on a mission for long time leaving Bucky behind, this separation reveals both their feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

“I’ll be gone for a month though…  
\- Oh, right ! Looks like you’re really spying this time !’ He tries to be light and carefree but the emptiness he already feels inside imagining what his life without Steve is going to be grows as he’s saying goodbye. Steve is gone in a minute and already the loneliness creeps inside his mind.

He gets up suddenly and rushes through the building, coming out of it in a t-shirt though it’s pouring rain and he runs to the official car where Steve is about to come in. He blocks the door and his face has an unreadable expression. He gets in the car without a word, sitting on one end of the seat far away from Steve. They drive off in a heavy silence, Bucky stays quiet while an inner battle takes place inside of him and he tries to appear as calm and poised as ever ; Steve can’t possibly know what’s on his friend’s mind and judging by his serious look he doesn’t want to bother him.

They reached a private shed, and the pilot tells Steve they’ll be leaving in about 10 minutes. Bucky is just standing there, frozen, looking somewhere else, anywhere but at Steve, still looking serious.

He feels a hand land on his shoulder “Well that’s it, I’m going. Goodbye” And he watches as Steve walks towards the plane.

This touch is like an electroshock for Bucky who jumps in front of Steve but remains silent.

“What’s going on Bucky ?”

He doesn’t answer at all but then he gets closer and takes Steve in his arms, hugging him with all his might. Steve hugs him back immediately. “I’m going to miss you so much, I wish i could have stayed here with you.”

Bucky just listens to the words, bathing in them, squeezing Steve some more and then he just lets him go, looking at his feet.

“Go now”

Steve nods, reassured by the hug. He gets in the plane after waving a little gesture to Bucky who watches the plane take off until the very last moment where he can no longer see it in the sky but just a dot moving fast.

Once Steve is gone he feels his heart falling into darkness and everything seems bland. While his friend is away Bucky is very depressed but he does everything he can to soften his behavior. He’s more open with the Avengers but stays a lot of time alone in his room just brooding.

One night some three weeks after Steve’s departure he walks into his room after a training session and he feels straightaway a presence in the room. He goes towards his bed and sees Steve’s figure leaning on his sheets where he left one of Steve’s t-shirts.

He can’t believe what he’s seeing and doesn’t move at all. Steve drops the t-shirt back and slowly walks to Bucky.

“Hey there buddy !” His voice sounds forced but he takes Bucky in his arms.

“Wh…” Bucky is astonished “But i thought… You’re early !” And he hugs Steve tightly in his arms.

“I really wanted to come home so I was extra efficient.”

He breaks the hug then.

“I have to go to debrief but I wanted to give you this before” He hands out a bunch of envelopes attached with a rubber band. “I wrote them during my mission and I couldn’t send them to you because of all the secrecy about our whereabouts.” He pauses like he’s gathering his courage. He takes Bucky’s hand and drops the letters in it. “I’d like you to read them while I’m gone and maybe…” He looks hesitantly in Bucky’s eyes “Maybe you’ll want to talk about it later.” He then walks out of the room leaving a stunned Bucky behind.

Bucky starts reading the letters that Steve wrote almost every day for him. He vaguely talks about his mission but very soon he writes about his thoughts.

“I still remember the way you went with me to the airport, how you suddenly took me in your arms. I can still feel your embrace and your strength, it really touched me.”

“I wonder what you’re doing right now, if everything’s alright in the tower. I hope you don’t have nightmares while I’m gone, I’d hate to know I wasn’t there to help you through them.”

“The sensation of our hug is disappearing, i can’t remember it anymore, it saddens me.”

“I remember how happy I was to finally find you after all these years. But waiting here for the mission to end is harder because I know you’re there waiting, you’re not just a memory anymore, you’re someone dear to my heart that I’m sure to meet again.”

“I realize how important little things are now that I don’t have them anymore. I miss a lot of things. I miss talking to you and knowing you get what I mean even when I don’t know how to say it anymore. I miss watching you train, seeing how you seek perfection, how you test new things to better yourself, how you always push yourself, you’re never slacking, I admire that.  
I miss your jokes about the Avengers, you’re always spot on and it helps relaxing in very tense situations and i just love to see them baffled not knowing when you became so biting.  
I miss your view of the world, how you always have a critical eye on every major technology or human progress since our time.”

It’s getting more and more intimate and Bucky’s hand tremble from the emotions he can read in the papers.

“I miss seeing you recalibrate your metallic arm, it’s a thing of beauty and you look so focused when you work on it, I like to see you then. I even miss the times when your rage just came back to the surface, your hatred for the people who did this to you, you have a terrible look during those moments, terrible but fascinating, powerful. I remember trying to calm you and touching your metallic arm, I felt you hold back your killer reflex and relax, it was amazing how you tried your best to be calm because I was close, it felt really special.”

“I miss your eyes finding me from across rooms packed with people when I was checking if you were there. It burnt as if you were a feet away from me and not at the other side of the room with tens of people passing between us.”

“Do you remember when we went up on the roof just the two of us to watch the stars and the city lights. When you talked to me so openly, sharing your expectations and fears. I felt closer to you than ever, those precious moments come back to me now that you’re far away from me.”

“I still remember how your hair can tickle me whenever I get close to you, i remember your muscle’s tension fading away under my caresses. I miss it so much. Just seeing you, looking at your sharp eyes and decided look seems so impossible right now that it hurts.”

“I realize that you’ve taken a great space in my life and I’d like that to go on and even go farther. I long to be near you, to be in your arms and curl up in your scent.”

Now Bucky slids to the floor, completely shaken because every word that Steve’s has written is an echo to all the feelings he has in his own heart. He knows the wait, the short nights filled with thoughts about the other, heart wrenched that hurts because he doesn’t possess what he longs for.  
He finishes reading the last letter which is more optimistic since Steve knows his mission is going to be over soon.

“I can’t wait to see you again and i hope you’ll want to see me as much as I do. I’m so glad I’ll be back soon. I so long to take you in my arms, caress your hair, your back, your face and lose myself in your eyes.”

Bucky is in shock and feels his heart beat too loudly in his chest. He manages to get up, still overwhelmed from what he read and rushes in the hall asking if the meeting is still going on. The lady at reception tells him it’s almost over so he runs in the staircase and arrives when Steve is waiting for the elevator. He opens his eyes wide when he sees Bucky walking towards him with the letters in his hand.

“Are you finished with the debrief ?  
\- Y… Yes.  
\- Ok I’ll tag along then.”

Steve is a little taken aback, on edge, he doesn’t know what to expect. They get inside the elevator and a silence so heavy that it’s becoming difficult to breath sets in.

Suddenly Bucky pushes on the emergency button, stopping the elevator. He resolutely turns to face Steve.

“I’ve read the letters.” Steve expects something else but Bucky just throws himself on him, pinning him against the wall and kissing him passionately on the lips, the letters getting creased against Steve’s chest.

He barely steps back a little that Steve sighs and whispers his name in a very sweet way before kissing him in his turn, pushing him against the wall, raising his hands to hide them in his hair, caressing it and cuddling up to him as much as he can. The kiss is lingering, kept going by Bucky who takes Steve in his arms and caresses his back, his arms, anything he can grop despite the letters still stuck in his hand.

They part after a moment, trying to catch their breath. Then Bucky steps back doing his hair, and starts the elevator again while they’re still trying to calm down. They exchange a knowing look and softly smile at each other, getting closer side by side until their shoulders are stuck together.


End file.
